"Irregardless of Anything...."

Let’s keep it short and sweet so you can all dream of pumpkin pie.

I want you to sit back and think about the title of this blog for 30 seconds. I want you to think long and hard about it. If your head comes up blank or you don’t think about anything except your indigestion, sleep, or  the last small animal you throttled, I want you to take your hand.....ball it into a fist.....and punch yourself as hard as you can in the temple.

That sentence is not English. 

Irregardless is not a word you morons.

Let’s say you are discussing potential outcomes of your planned attack on the Hipster sitting across from you. You think it’s an absolutely amazing idea to rush towards him, grab his scarf, and strangle him mercilessly as he checks his e-mail on his Ipad2. 

Your friend says it’s not a good idea. 

You argue back that it is.

Then your friend makes a fatal mistake and utters something stupid such as:

“Irregardless, I don’t want you making a scene in front of everyone.”

........

Hopefully in your fury at this comment, you turn your anger towards your friend instead and lash out with your Mexican Throwing Star. I know I would.

Or I would stuff a bar of soap down his throat and watch him choke to death.

Anyhow, let’s make something very clear here. 

Irregardless is not a word.

It is a double negative.

It is an improper grammatical superlative.

It is a word uneducated, mentally incompetent, backwards, hipster-like people use.

My favourite is during a class presentation:

Presenter:  “Irregardless of these things.....Avatar was a great movie.”

Me: (puts hand up) “You mean REGARDLESS you retard?? Ha ha you are a stupid individual!!”

Quick English lesson here....

Regardless according to the dictionary means: “Having or showing no regard; heedless, unmindful; without concern as to advice or warning.

Irregardless therefore means: “I am a dumb sack of goat meat that tries to sound intelligent but ends up sounding like a complete buffoon.”

If you hear someone utter this phrase, please help cleanse the Earth of these fools 1 at a time.

I suggest beating them to death with a Webster’s dictionary so their last thought is wishing they would have learned to speak properly.

Ugh.