Saturday, 17 December 2011

10 Reasons Why I Hate Final Exams

Alright people so now that you are all winding up your exams (and I am done my stupid stupid stupid stupid projects), I have decided to start my blog up again.

You're welcome in advance for not giving you an excuse for distraction from your 24 hour ( and completely unnecessary) studying. 

Here is my list of why I hate final exams and the end of school semesters and I'm pretty sure you can empathize with me:

1. Your profs seem like reasonable people for the entire year. They even seem to have relatively reasonable expectations for your assignments and work. Then finals come and all of a sudden they ask you to memorize and know everything that they a) never taught you b) has nothing to do with the course c) is written in another language like Swahili. Suddenly you realize that they never were actually real people at all, just power hungry soul-eating monsters.

2. Nobody is able to do ANYTHING during the 2 weeks of finals. Apparently people are under the impression that imprisoning themselves in their houses/library for 24 hours a day is extremely effective in helping them understand information for their finals. Fact: it is clinically proven that breaks from studying for periods of 1-2 hours helps you retain information better and stay motivated. It's so annoying when people refuse to even go out for coffee because they are "studying soooooooooooooooo hard". Really??? Grow up. 

3. During finals everyone updates their Facebook statuses to how they're soooooooooo stressed out about exams, and they hate studying, and they hate life, hate their professors, hate their friends, hate the noise their pet hamsters make while they are studying, hate windows--because looking outside makes them sad....etc. etc. I guess this is a step forward for those Emo people who constantly put statuses reflecting how sad and depressed they are about everything.....but really??? We all know you are writing finals and are stressed. Please refrain from putting up such drivel for your facebook statuses. Ugh.

4. Ok more annoying then the facebook statuses is the plethora of TWITTER updates. As in.....twitter updates every 5 minutes about your life as a student. "Still studying........I hate biology.........student+dying=studying........." You get the point. Nobody cares, deal with it. 

5. If you are writing exams during winter semester, chances are you have not had the chance to complete your Christmas shopping. This means that the malls are filled with angry, stressed out students who are trying to get their gifts while thinking about their stupid finals and exams that they have to write. Understandably this causes for some exciting "Christmas cheer moments" with ignorant employees who have never gone to post-secondary institutions and don't understand what we are dealing with. You are given full permission to beat them senseless with your shoe.

6. I think people are bad drivers in general, but there is an increase in poor drivers around finals because students think it is a GENIUS idea to study while driving. Really?? Put down your stupid notes for 10 minutes and concentrate on driving. You will not fail your exam or die losing that little amount of time. People's lives are at stake when driving, and if you kill little Jimmy or Sally I will personally hold you responsible. Safety first!

7. Finals reveal how little you actually learn during 1 semester. Which really angers students because you realize that you spent a billion dollars on your school semester only to learn......nothing. For instance, the thing I remember most from this semester was the fact that an Elephant would beat a Rhinoceros in a real-life fight. How sad. 

8. Finals causes civility and hygiene to go out the window. You can spot a student who is in the midst of finals because they appear disheveled and unkempt. They are ragged and often have spots of drool and saliva on their clothes/faces. Also, they have put on weight due to the amount of time they have spent sitting and not moving, and may smell like urine and feces because of using a chamber pot instead of getting up to go to the bathroom. Most importantly, you can see a hint of madness gleaming in their eyes. Talking to a student in the middle of finals is like talking to a baboon on the edge of complete madness. Case in point: My overburdening desire while working on final projects to burn my notes and binder with gasoline while laughing like a maddened savage---I actually pictured this on a daily basis for about a week, and it made me feel warm and fuzzy.....something that would normally get you recommended for psychiatric evaluation. Hmmm.

9. Finals are worth an obscene amount of your mark. For no bloody reason. Your finals are just arbitrarily worth more then the rest of the work you do. Even though you spend way more time and effort during the semester doing work, none of that matters. What matters is that you can remember that one stupid sentence from a little bubble in your textbook word for word and be able to regurgitate it onto a page while under a time pressure constraint. This makes no sense, and is stupid.

10. Those cursed note-stealing gnomes!!! You know exactly what I'm talking about. You are studying for your finals and looking through your notes which you have carefully kept and organized for the semester. However, the ONE page that has the information you need has conveniently disappeared. You ask your classmates and find that they have all had the same experience. This is because of those irritating note-stealing gnomes that sneak around and steal important documents and hide them! Not to be confused with: car-key gnomes, wallet gnomes, watch gnomes, denture gnomes, jewelery gnomes, and clothe gnomes. Curse those gnomes.

Whew, I have been holding in my venting for a whole feels good to rail about the stupidity of people and things again. 

Seriously though final exams/exam week suck. 


That is all.