Thanksgiving: 15 Things I am Thankful For

I rant a lot. So today it will be a little tamer as I share with you the 15 things I am thankful for on Thanksgiving:

 1.     I am thankful I have not lost a limb in a ‘tragic lawnmower accident’ and become a poster child for the War Amps. 

2.       I am thankful that I don’t drive like a mentally incompetent loser. 

3.       I am thankful for owning pets that have never tried to kill me in my sleep. 

4.       I am thankful that I have learned how to properly use a stand-up urinal. 

5.       I am thankful that I understand how to dress myself properly and don’t act pretentious about what I wear towards other people. 

6.       I am thankful that I have never barfed, pooped, and laughed at the same time. 

7.       I am thankful that I don’t buy ‘organic’ food just to make myself feel better about paying more money for the same products. 

8.       I am thankful that I live somewhere that is absent of hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes (mostly), starvation, and those freaky little poisonous animals that feast on your flesh and simultaneously kill you. 

9.       I am thankful that I am not allergic to 9,147 things that prevent me from enjoying life. 

10.   I am thankful that I am not a Siamese twin, I probably would have murdered my other half at some point already. 

11.   I am thankful that I am frugal with my money and don’t spend it needlessly the nanosecond a new piece of technology comes out (ooh look, Iphone824G!) 

12.   I am thankful that I understand the concepts of proper exercise protocol and don’t mutilate my cartilage and joints when working out. 

13.   I am thankful that I am not a used car salesman, plumber, or professional organizer, because that would be a waste of my life. 

14.   I am thankful that I have never met Margaret Atwood because I feel like we could never be anything but worst enemies. 

15.   I am thankful that Leif Ericson (not Columbus you fools) discovered America and allowed for my sweet family and friends to have a place to live and grow up.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!

Well....unless you’re not Canadian.....then Happy Thanksgiving anyways!!