Tuesday, 29 November 2011

At the Gym: Cartilage Grinders

Short and sweet, but super annoying.

So.......you go to the gym and are proceeding through your run or workout as per the usual. 
All of a sudden you hear this disgusting popping, clicking, grinding sound.

As loud and spine-tingling as fingernails being screeched down a chalkboard. Yeuuuck.

You look around and you notice someone swinging weights around violently as if they were caught in the midst of a terrible tornado they can`t escape and the weights are glued to their hands.

You see their hands flailing around, and their shoulder joints continuously become dislocated and make sickening crunching noises.

Their elbows distend and pop with loud clicking sounds, their necks wrench back and forth furiously, their tendons snap spasmodically back and forth, and it sounds as if their very bone marrow is splintering into shards within their body.

However, the person continues to mutilate them self mercilessly over and over and over and over and over (and over) again. 
I swear  you can just see the cartilage and protective structures within their body disintegrating as you watch them.

What morons. 

They think that swinging weights around with no proper form or structure must be good for them. 
They don`t understand the concept of bones, and muscles, and tendons, and everything else that is set up to help your body move PROPERLY and WITHOUT PAIN.

These are the same doofus├Ęs who end up having to go to physio or the chiropractor because they injure themselves and complain of chronic pain after workouts.

Well duh.....what do you expect after you grind your cartilage to dust...sunshine and rainbows
Fact: bones will then grind on each other and you will be in severe pain.

It`s not that hard to become informed about the proper protocol of lifting weights. 
If it`s so heavy that you have to break form and do it improperly, you need to lessen the weight, even if it means deflating your ego a bit.

If you simply don`t know how to lift weights properly, which may be the case, drop a couple bucks, hire a trainer for one session (maybe 2) and they will show you the proper way to do the exercises. No big deal. I highly recommend this.

You can even find decent information online via Youtube and other websites on how to do exercises properly and to prevent pain and self-mutilation.

Nobody wants to hear that disgusting bone-grinding and crunching noise at the gym.

And no, I will not help you unless you ask me to because I consider your future pain to be your own problem due to your ignorance and inability to learn proper technique.

Not only do these people anger me, but they sadden me. 


Sad face.

Now stop grinding your cartilage and learn how to do it properly.

Or leave and never enter the gym again.

That is all.

Sunday, 27 November 2011

At the Gym: Ipod Idiots

Here's the thing.

You go to the gym to workout, exercise, or whatever it is you do. ( I really really really hope this is why you go. If not, find a trainer.)
You take your Ipod with you to listen to music/pump you up/motivate you/focus/enjoy whatever.

The problem is when you become an Ipod idiot and you have your earbuds shoved so far into your eardrums and turned up so loud that you couldn't hear air raid sirens if they went off 2 feet away from you.

Don't think I don't know what you experience......because trust me if I turn my hearing aids off I can achieve exactly the same effect. And if you honestly think your music isn't that loud...think again doofus.

Know what happens?? 
  • You constantly bump into people because you don't hear them behind you
  • You don't hear if someone asks to use the machine you are using or when you will be done with it
  • You don't hear someone yelling at you to "WATCH OUT" when a weighted bar is swinging at your face
  • You act completely aloof and distant when at the water fountain which makes people convinced you are a Latchkey Child
  • People mistake you for being syndromish
  • You head-bob back and forth, up and down to your gangsta beatzzz, but can't respond when someone tells you your butt-crack is showing to the world
  • A car-key gnome will jump on the back of your treadmill and  pickpocket your locker keys from you without you hearing them. They then steal your car-keys and hide them in an obscure place so you can't find them. Or they steal your Honda. Darn car-key gnomes.
This is  extremely annoying and hmmmmmmm I dunno.............DANGEROUS???
I mean it's one thing if you're at your house listening to your music so loud you drown out the world--fine.

But to be where people are swinging around heavy objects and dropping weights and gathered in clustered group is just idiotic. 
Let's be realistic here, if you want to listen to music by all means go for it!

But make sure you can at least hear the people around you so you can be normal, not seem like a moron, and generally stop accidents from happening.

When I see these Ipod head-bangers I want to just punch them in the face and then take a dumbbell and smash it mercilessly into their Ipod.

1,000,000 times.
Until it is a pile of ground up twisted metal and plastic and wires on the ground.

Good riddance.