Thursday, 20 October 2011

Little Dogs Make Great Footballs

I hate little dogs.

Now I'm not talking the well-behaved little dogs that just wag their tails back and forth happily and kind of leave you alone.
I'm not talking about the cute daschund weiner dog, the beagle, or (in some cases) the cocker spaniels.

I am talking about the annoying as heck little dogs that always jump at you.
And bark with that high-pitched whine bark.
All the time. All day. At everything. And never shut up.
I am talking about the little dogs that always get underfoot and constantly keep trying to chew on your shoes or clothes. Or that you see owners carrying around stuffed disgustingly into their purses or handbags. Or holding while shopping.

I am talking about the Shitzu.
The Chihuahua.
The Pomeranian.
The Mini-poodle.
The Pug.
And various other kinds of dogs that some people think are 'cute'.

Newsflash People:
They are not cute.
They are ugly.
They are annoying.
They are loud.
They deserve to not be adopted.

Nothing would make me happier then lining up and punting one as hard as I could--hopefully setting some kind of kicking record while I was at it.
In fact, I have realized that little dogs would make great footballs.

Can't you imagine? 
You'd pick up the stupid thing while it was yapping at you and just chuck it 20 yards downfield. The receiver would then catch it around the neck and run as far as possible until getting mangled into the ground by a tackle. 
The furriness of the dog would make it easy to catch and it would be just the right size for a football!!

And for a field goal?? Even better!!
Just set that yapping dog down on the ground and kick for all you're worth!
50 yard field goal!!
3 points!!
The crowd goes wild!!
No more barking!!

Seriously though, why do people buy these stupid dogs? They are not cute in any way and only serve to antagonize any ordinary person in their right mind. 
Buy a muzzle for that thing.
Or else buy a regular/big-sized dog that isn't so ugly and irritating and feed it little dogs for breakfast.

Or as I suggested, just let us use the things for the next football game.
Nothing would make me happier.

I seriously hate little barking dogs.


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