"When in Rome....Punch a Roman in the Face"

Alright so being a huge fan of history and all that jazz my title today is aptly titled. 

First, lets talk about the famous saying "When in Rome...do as the Romans do".

Well I've got news for you people: this is not Rome.

We do not have to "Do what the Romans do".

We are not sheep.

We are not mindless lemmings.

Now why might I say something like this??

Hmmmm I dunno......could it possibly be that I have come to notice that stupidity is contagious amongst stupid people??

Why yes, that is exactly the reason why.

Stupid people help other stupid people be more stupid.

Or as I like to say "Stupid is as stupid does"

And stupid people is something we could all use a little less of in our lives.

Consider these two examples to understand how this process works:

Example #1

- A person is driving along and sees someone in front of them who abruptly changes lanes without signaling and speeds up. This angers them.

-This person then ends up stuck behind a piece of junk 2007 "Mazda Molasses" that is moving as fast as it's name implies on the highway. This angers them.

-Thus they abruptly change lanes and speed up without signaling because--after all-- that is clearly now acceptable because they saw the person before them just do the same thing.This angers everyone who is not stupid.

-Thus stupidity spawns stupidity, and is caused by stupidity that was present in the moron driving the Mazda. 

Example #2

- A group of 5 people are sitting at a table in a restaurant. One of these people has an extremely loud voice that sounds like the mating call of a beluga whale. This is annoying.

-This one person then yells out their conversation to the rest of the table interspersed with "OMG IT WAS SO FUNNAYYYYY and SO THEN THE OTHER DAY I TOLD MY DAUGHTER BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH". This is even more annoying.

-She is being so loud in her conversation that her friends feel a little overpowered and think that she must be talking loudly because the surrounding restaurant is really loud. This is untrue.

-Her friends then all increase their voices until it sounds like a posse of wailing banshees stuffing their faces with food. The waitress does absolutely nothing and acts like it is completely normal. This is infuriating.

-Thus stupidity spawns stupidity, and is caused by stupidity in the moron waitress who failed to inform the lady that she is yelling like a fire marshal. 

Just because somebody else does something or acts a certain way does NOT mean that you are entitled to do the same thing.

Nor does it mean that it is the proper or right thing to do. 

The excuse "Well they did it" is absolute garbage. 

This is not Rome. We do not do as the Romans do. 

In fact, "When in Rome, you should punch a Roman in the face."

That way, there will be less stupid people in Rome. 

And we all know how much we hate stupid people. 

Ugh. 

That is all. 

Hearing Aids are Not Cellphones

Today I shall attempt to humour you with the lighter side of life.

Sort of.

The ignorance of some people astounds me.

For those of you who don't know this story let me enlighten you briefly.

I was waiting to talk to a teacher at the end of class and felt the watchful stare of a girl next to me.

Not wanting to appear rude, and curious as to what her problem was I asked her if she needed something.

She shook her head and stared at me with a glazed expression and exclaimed: "Those are SO COOL! I wish I had CELLPHONES like that!!!"

I was completely baffled as to what she was talking about, however after noticing that she was staring at my ears (I wear hearing aids see), I ascertained that she must have thought my hearing aids were cellphones.

................

I was actually at a loss for words and the only thing I could respond with in my lethargic shock was "..........they're not cell phones.....they're hearing aids......"

Oh but of course she just ignored my statement and said: "Seriously, coolest cell phones ever!!"

...........

Wow.

Really??!!

It would be like if I told a person in a wheelchair that I thought their bicycle was super cool.

Complete surrealism.

However, upon further reflection I realized that many people are ignorant about hearing aids.

Here are some of the things that people believe about hearing aids that I have heard from ACTUAL people in my life. Think carefully about the stupidity of some of these comments:

1. You can hear the radio with them.
2. They help you "hear colours".
3. You can hear martian sounds.
4. They are calibrated to hear frequencies ordinary humans can't hear, such as bats, dragonflies, and dolphins.
5. They are cellphones.
6. People with hearing aids have their own tone that is sounded at crosswalks that only they can hear that helps them cross safely (think hard about that one).
7. Hearing aids work on the concept of "echo-location" and sonar.
8. The sound we hear is not real sound, and people sound like C-3P0 from Star Wars.
9. Everyone with hearing aids is connected on a network.....like "hearing-aid wifi" (for serious).
10. That hearing aids make their own sounds and can be personalized.
11. Hearing aids can electrically shock you.
12. They give you super-hearing if you can already hear and you wear them.
13. They can store change.
14. They can be used as two-way radios.
15. If they work on animals.
16. They come with cool accessories like silver plating.
17. The hearing aids contain locators in case I lose one.
18. What would happen if they were buried under sand. (Really....??)
19. Fully deaf people are magically healed by hearing aids.
20. If I would be better off without them because I would be more deaf.

And many many many many many other things.

I know ignorance is bliss but.....really??

I feel like some people lack common sense and should probably get a brain scan.

The answer to all of the above questions is no. And if you bury them in sand you would a) lose them and b) they would get filled with sand and c) break.

Obviously.

Seriously people, learn about some things before asking such silly questions!!

Hahahahaha see me laughing??

SEE!!

Ugh.

Pointless Question: "Do You Workout?"

So in case you missed it, this is the sequel to yesterday's post. I'm sure I will encounter many more pointless questions in my life, but this one is BY FAR the one I hate the most.

Ahem.

I have a confession to make.

I am extremely confused by people sometimes.

I just don't get it.

I feel like they probably don't think through what they say before they say things actually.

You know what I'm saying?

Let's discuss something here.....I don't consider myself to be a meat-head. I mean I keep myself physically in shape for sports and general fitness, eat as healthily as possible, and I enjoy weightlifting. This means (logically) that I look larger and physically stronger then a person my height/weight would be if they didn't exercise, and yes aesthetic benefits accompany this.

That is the way the human body works.....and that is the end result of exercise, especially if you are in your prime years of physical maturity. 

This I understand.

What I don't understand is when you run into people who are blown away by this biological fact and ask one of the most pointless questions known to mankind:: "Do You Workout?"

...........................

No actually I don't.
I just sit around and do absolutely nothing. 

In fact I stare at weights and can absorb them into my body as muscle.

It's a well known fact that sedentary activity and 'making wishes' allows for one to physically get in shape.

You mad??

But seriously, what retards....

Do I look like I workout?

Because if I do look like I workout then why do they ask the stupid question?

Are they expecting me to answer with something like "No, it's magic I'm secretly Harry Potter" and then cast a body-morphing spell on them??

Are they expecting me to tell them that I just shoot up with 92 kinds of drugs and spontaneously get huge??

Honestly people, how am I even supposed to answer this stupid question? 

If I say yes, I look like the biggest narcissist ever, and if I say no I am a liar. 

Lose lose situation, thanks douche balloons.

So to answer the question then yes, I workout. As I mentioned earlier it's called a biological process. It is not magic. It is not from doing nothing. It is for many beneficial reasons.

Holy cow this actually annoys me so much.

The stupid question isn't even a compliment, it's just ignorant at best.

A compliment would be something like "Hey, you look really good, keep it up." Or "Looks like your workouts are paying off." Or even "Looking huge dude, mang yo."

Or maybe people could even have the intelligence to ask something regarding what kind of workout program I have found to be most effective. Or what exercises I like best. Or what steps I have taken in order to accomplish goals I have set out. 

That would be acceptable and understandable!

I have no issues with helping others out with training or legitimate exercise questions.

However, asking "Do you workout" is like asking a Safeway employee who is in uniform "Do you work here?" 

Grahhh.

So next time you see someone who looks like they're in good shape or they workout, assume that they do!

If you compliment them and they say that they don't actually work out that much, then you are in fact paying them even more of a compliment because they have good genes. They will feel warm and fuzzy and you will have made their day. If they do workout, then you don't look like the dope who is creeping on them and asking them the ever ridiculous"Do you workout?"

Do not insult people by being a farfanoogan (The little turd left over after you poop) and stating the obvious.

It makes you seem as smart as roadkill.

It makes us who exercise want to make you roadkill.

Ugh.

Driving Personalities: 'Ignorant Ian'

Of all the drivers so far, these are probably the people I hate the most.

Why you ask? Well let me tell you.

'Ignorant Ian' is a moron. 100% pure concrete between both ears. 

If life was Lord of the Flies, Ian would be the first person we killed to eat for food because he is of little value to our society.

To put it simply, Ian doesn't know any of the actual the laws of driving. This is what he does:

• Drives 30 km/h in school zones. Always. Even on weekends and evenings when there is no school.

• Drives 30 km/h in playground zones. Always. Even when it's pitch black outside. Somehow he is expecting a child to manifest in the dark and hurl their tiny bodies madly onto the road into oncoming traffic.

• Ignorant Ian honestly believes that a yield sign means stop and hammers on the brakes needlessly

• Merging into highway traffic which is running at 100 km/h while going 50 km is perfectly acceptable. In fact, Ian thinks that the highway should merge into you instead. Then he has the audacity to give you the finger when you nearly crumple his bumper because of his idiocy.

• Red means go and green means stop. Always. There is no such thing as yellow lights.

• Ian is a firm believer in leaving 97 car-lengths between himself and the car in front of him. You know, just in case they decide to slam it into reverse and plow backwards 100 miles an hour at a red light for no reason. Happens all the time.

• Oh one of my favorites is that Ian believes you MUST drive 30 km whenever you see a police vehicle. It doesn't matter if it's on the other side of the road, it doesn't matter if it doesn't have it's lights on, it doesn't matter if it's observed in a parking lot way out of the way. 30 km. Automatically. You useless bag of dog poop, this is not the way our police laws work. Ugh.

• Cars are like rowboats and so therefore we should all yield to slower moving traffic and move into the left-hand lane. Especially during rush hour. Because it's way more practical to clog up 18,000 commuters on their way to work rather then inconveniencing 1 slow egghead who is just another 'Ignorant Ian'.

• Parking over 3 parking stalls when driving a piece of garbage vehicle is perfectly acceptable. In fact, everyone should do it.

• The lines on the road are more like 'guidelines' and so drifting back and forth is the proper thing to do. In fact, other people should be completely fine with this.

• Ian believes that having your halogen brights on all day everyday is the best way to make sure other drivers can see your vehicle. Because blinding lights don't cause accidents. Ever. 

Ignorant Ian is an idiot. These people are the reason why I  believe mandatory reviews should be taken on driving laws in order to keep your license. It's not acceptable. If you don't know the laws, don't drive. Stay home and drink some eggnog. Or take the bus. Or else become a pedestrian. Or become dead.

Permanently.

If you foolishly decide to pursue driving in complete ignorance, be prepared to have me (and others) ream you out, make rude gestures, tailgate you, honk endlessly, key your car, throw rotten fruit at you, and purposefully take a sledgehammer to your car after you park it.

And no, we will not feel sorry for you or apologize. You deserve it you ignoramus.

Ignorance is not an excuse.

Be informed or be roadkill.

Good grief.