So You Have a PhD.......NOBODY CARES!!!

Oh boy, this just really grinds my gears.

So lets say that you spend lots of time and money getting a post-secondary education. You get a 4 year degree in Makiakki Herbology.  Yay you!! 

Then you decide to get your master's degree in it, writing your thesis on Negative Methane Toxicity of Makiakki Plants on the African Plains. 

You then decide to one-up yourself and get your PhD in Theoretical Herbology of Imaginary Pygmy Shamans in Malaysia.

You manage to nail your thesis and are awarded the distinction of having your PhD.

Good for you. 

Seriously, good work. 

It is not easy to pursue such ambitions and it takes a significant amount of time and money to achieve such goals. Even if they do revolve around stupid obscure subjects such as Pygmy Shamans and Maikkiki Herbology in remote areas.

Much respect.

However, I do not have respect for the losers who think that because they have achieved this status, everyone else is a lesser human being.

You know exactly what I'm saying.

These are the rude slime-balls who refuse to talk to you or get extremely offended unless you refer to them as DR. 

For instance, in retail I would frequently get people who had Dr. put on their credit cards. 

If I said have a nice day (Mr./Ma'am.....and their last name) they would get extremely angry and snootily reply: "Actually it's DR"; as their eyes turned into large dinner plates and rolled madly around in their head and they frothed angrily from the mouth.

Well soooooorrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyy douchebag I didn't mean to to insult your fragile little ego. 

It's really sad that you need to have this title in order to feel important in society. What were you neglected as a child or something??

Maybe you have "Small Man Syndrome"??

Does this PhD make everything in your life complete??

Well hopefully because it also makes everyone else want to punch them in the head 5,000 times until they are comatose on the floor.

Grahh.

You also run into this in the post-secondary world where you will have professors who will not even acknowledge you or talk to you unless you call them Dr. 

I will often call them Dr. Doom or Dr. Dre or something else that really irritates them.

Because really how stupid is that??

Just because they decided to waste their time and money pursuing higher education does not make them immediately smarter then you. Especially when the majority of people obtain their PhD's in things that the average 3 year old baby pig would be able to understand.

In fact, I find lots of these people severely lacking in common sense and I doubt they would be able to fix their own toilet if it broke and their feces were splattered about on the ground.

Some of them probably don't even know what feces are to be honest.

But really, how would these snobby people like it if I refused to answer to them unless they adressed me as "Sir" or "Your Majesty"??? 

Example:

"Can I try on these shoes please??"

"Of course not peasant, you didn't refer to me by my proper title.."

Yeah, of course they wouldn't like it don't be ridiculous.

But it's the exact same idea.

Having a PhD does not entitle you to put yourself on a pedestal above the rest of us you ignoramuses. 

It's just as mature as a 5 year old who throws a temper tantrum because they don't get a candy from the store. 

Grow up.

If you have a PhD and you want people to think you're smart and well-educated and a great person the best thing you can do is not act like a superior know-it-all who is obsessed with their title. 

Trust me.

Because if you try and shove your title in your face, I will make it my life goal to shove your face into a pile of dog poop on the ground. 

I will also make a point of refusing to call you Dr. and make snarky comments about your lack of ability toaccomplish anything in life.

I will tell all my friends about you and your selfish attitude.

This really really annoys me.

Really.

Ugh. 

I Hate Classroom Cretins

I apologize for a couple days away, unfortunately I had no internet access due to travel. Anyways, we shall carry on as usual.....

I don't know about most people who attend post-secondary institutions, but I do so because I consider myself to be somewhat intelligent and I want to be there to pursue further education. In fact, I am paying significant amounts of money for this exact thing.

I believe that this is the case with most people.

But not all people.

It would seem that some idiots go to post-secondary so they can pretend to be superior to everyone else in the classroom. They love to listen to their own voice and constantly engage the professor in class.

In fact they completely brown-nose with the teacher and put their hands up every 30 seconds with a new 'fresh' insight into the material being covered. The material is never fresh, and their silly comments make everyone else in the class feel an intense urge to commit hari kari. Meet the 'Classroom Cretin"

Their statements or questions are never relevant (such as questioning the prof on whether they like wolverine meat or squid fetuses better in their soup).

Sometimes they don't even ask an actual question but rather make a stupid observation (such as "It snows in winter duhahahhhahhhhh I have ink for brainssssss).

Many times these dopes will just re-state what the professor has already said and say "Is that right?" Then when the prof agrees with them and further discusses the issue this classroom cretin will nod wisely and give a swift know-it-all glance around the classroom.

Everyone else is wishing they had a Vaporization Gun. 

But this doesn't faze the cretin...oh no...in fact it makes them feel even more superior. Yes! 

They have asked their question before someone else! 

They are engaging with the teacher! 

They are getting participation marks!! 

Everyone is focused on them!! 

They are just killing this class right now!! 

THEY ARE THE SUPREME BEINGS IN THE CLASSROOM AND KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE SUBJECT AND EVERYONE LOVES GUHRAHHHHHHHH!!!!

My absolute favorite is when a group of these cretins sit together in a cluster in a classroom. They then feed off of each other like parasitic leeches feasting on fresh blood. One will put up their hand and start a completely useless conversation with the professor. The others will then chirp in with equally pointless conversation and will build off of their own moronic ideas. If they were allowed, I'm pretty sure they would rush towards each other and madly high five back and forth while commenting how intelligent and awesome they are.

Instead, they settle with just smirking impishly at each other and offer remarks such as "Oh, that's such a good comment!" and "I completely agree with that!", especially when discussing the best way to mount a unicorn in an enchanted forest when you have been set on fire and are missing a shoe.

You know, completely relevant things.

Look, I don't pay a billion dollars for my schooling to listen to Mr. and Mrs. Self-absorbed discuss mythical creatures or their own personal thoughts on how Einstein should have had a better hairdresser. I'm pretty sure other people don't either.

Seriously, we are not 2 years old and nobody wants to listen to you brown nose the teacher for the entire class.

If you don't have something useful or relevant to say in class it's pretty simple:

Shut your piehole.

Trust me classroom cretins, you have way less 'friends' in class then you think you do.

Ugh.

That is all.