Wheeewwwwww back at it!! Be sure to tune in this week as we delve into hipsters, doctors, Paranaoid Activity 3, and manlets with a vigour....but first, today's topic.
Now I don’t know about all you folks but I grew up watching shows such as Bugs Bunny, Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles, Spiderman, Rocket Robin Hood, and Mr. Dress up. These shows taught you valuable life lessons like how to punch out raging super villains, loyalty, friendship, responsibility of superpower usage, and how to dress like a cool kid.
However, modern television has decided to take a much more disturbing stance in children’s cartoons and has thus given us:
Dora the Explorer.
On the surface the basic premise of the show is cute and friendly:
Dora learns to count!
Dora learns to spell!
Dora makes friends!
Yet what really bothers me is how it is riddled by many more questionable ideas:
Dora learns to spy on foreign countries!
Dora never stays at home!
Dora speaks Spanish instead of English!
Dora spies on her friends!
Dora has a secret backpack!
Dora has shifty eyes!
Hmmmm......well it becomes obvious pretty quickly that this show has very little to do with helping kids learn anything of value, but rather it is an evil tool used to teach subliminal messages. In case you haven’t caught on yet, I’m going to spell out for you what the network doesn’t want you to know:
DORA IS PROBABLY AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT!
Think about it. She knows how to count (in English) and spell (in English), yet at the same time, she teaches her viewers Spanish, showing her true colours and how she despises everyone who doesn’t agree with her. Most viewers of the show (little kids who poop out cheerios and lucky charms) don’t even understand Spanish and so Dora is secretly slipping them subliminal messages. Which is bad. And unfair to our poor little tykes.
Also, have you ever wondered exactly how that magical backpack of hers works?? Well, let me tell you something else that may surprise you:
DORA IS SECRETLY A TERRORIST!
Yup. She is definitely packing some seriously bad stuff inside of that backpack of hers, and plotting to destroy everything held dear by her viewers. The backpack "magically" contains whatever she wants it to contain, so this is not true fantastic to believe. Avoid her at all costs.
And that brings me to another point, why is Dora an “Explorer”. Well if she is does in fact harbor ill intentions towards the country, she is clearly exploring to map out the territory and find the most vulnerable points at which to execute her plan.
DORA IS A SPY!
She giggles with delight as you (the viewers) engage in helping her find pieces of the map which will help her on her journey. She even gets her monkey to record important places they've visited on the map. Oh yes, the devious little girl has even gone so far as to implicate our weak minded children in her masterminded plot.
But on a more serious note.....
This is one of the dumbest kids cartoons I've ever seen.
Send your kids to play outside instead of rotting in front of a television.
Especially when filled with silly programming like this.
Ugh new kids cartoons are the worst, don't even get me started on the Doodlebops.
That is all.