Ladies, this one goes out to you.
Today was just going like another normal day. You know, wake up....shower....eat cereal....go to school.....workout.....eat some more.....go shop around....
AND THEN THE CLOWNS CAME!!!
It was a complete surprise attack!!
These glowing monsters surrounded me in the mall with their strange costumes and painted faces and made strange noises that were comparable to the sound a merry-go-round or jack in the box make. (Dee dee deedly-dee dee dee).
I tried to shoo them away with loud cries of VAMINOS VAMINOS!!
It only made them clown around even more, shoving their painted faces closer towards mine as they giggled impishly
I swear two of them even squirted water out of their ears, but I could have just been hallucinating.
I began to sweat profusely as I imagined them attacking me with a bloody knife like reincarnations of those clown-murderer movies that are ever so popular.
They began to speak in a strange foreign language which at first I interpreted to be Maori Snap Whistling, but later realized was in fact English.
Apparently clowns are literate...... who knew?
Actually, as I observed these scary beings close-up I realized that they were not actually clowns.
They were ladies.
They were females.
I don't get it.
They had on face powder and fake eyelashes and mascara and eyelash stuff and every other kind of makeup imaginable.
Which would explain the clown-like appearance.
I'm pretty sure they probably could have scraped the makeup off of their faces and iced 5 triple layered cakes with it....that's how much they were wearing.
Upon closer inspection (read: trolling past them about 4 times while trying not to laugh) I even noticed that they were not bad looking girls!!
In fact they could look quite nice and normal if they tried, however somebody impressed on them that 50 lbs of makeup immediately makes them look better.
That begs the question: Maybe it's Maybelline??
Fact: It does not make you look better.
You look scary.
You look like a clown.
You might try and kill me or my children.
Or pie me in the face and honk a bicycle horn.
Or suddenly rush around me on your unicylce.
Or hit me with a slapstick and laugh in a trilling voice.
You get the point.
Please get rid of the excessive makeup, you're not helping anyone.
A little bit of makeup....sure, awesome, no problem. I get that.
But please go easy on it ladies because nothing is scarier then seeing groups of clowns walk around tormenting the public.
Pretty pretty pretty please go easy on the Maybelline.
Oh and FYI next time I see those girls in the mall, I plan on giving them all fake red noses and telling them to join the circus because they are super funny.
That is all.