Spitting is for Uncivilized Humans

Ok so I'm walking along behind a person taking my dog for a walk.

No big deal.

It's kind of cold outside, and I'm feeling a little grumpy due to being sick.

And so I'm just lost in thought, spurring my dog onwards through the cold when all of a sudden I hear this disgusting slurping/sucking snot noise in front of me.

I realize that it is coming from the man in front of me who has fully stopped walking in order to spit a huge ball of snot/mucus/spit from his mouth onto the sidewalk. 

The public sidewalk.

That people walk on.

People like me.

I walked slowly up to the area and noticed a disgusting yellow splotch of human intestinal remains on the sidewalk and deftly maneuvered my dog off the sidewalk around it.

The man kept walking as if nothing had happened, and continued to stop every 20 feet or so and spit a loogie on the sidewalk. Which I had to continuously step around.

Really??

Is it really that important for you to clean your orifices outside on the public sidewalk?? 

Do you actually think the whole world consists only of you Mr. Selfish-blob?

While you're at it sir, why don't you just pull down your pants and take a dump on the sidewalk so we can all enjoy the sight and stench of it while simultaneously almost stepping in it.

I mean you might as well, it's the same idea.

And after all, you are clearly the only person that matters in the world.

Seriously, this is just disgusting. At least have the decency and consideration to spit or deposit your slimy nostril and throat fluid into the snowbank NEXT to the sidewalk.

And maybe you should consider if other people are around you while you are doing it.

At the very least.

Nothing makes you seem like more of an unintelligent neanderthal then spitting continuously because you haven't learned how to swallow your spit properly (unless it's being a hipster). 

Can't you possibly have tissue to spit in? Or even a bottle for crying out loud.

Nobody wants to hear or see you spitting up bile and discovering what colour the last thing you ate or drank was.

Would you like to see me just throw up on the ground and leave it there? 

No of course not.

If you actually would, then you should seek therapeutic help because you are mentally deranged.

It's not that difficult to refrain from spitting in public and it is completely unnecessary to do so onto objects or the ground. 

Use a garbage bin, use your hand, use a bottle, use your sleeve, use a handkerchief, or just don't do it at all.

I firmly believe that there should be a bylaw for humans picking up their spit.

I mean we are required to clean up after our dogs and if you walk around spitting everywhere, you pretty much are a dog.

Spitting is for uncivilized humans.

 
Stop it.

Or I will call animal services and request you be tranquilized and impounded.

Ugh. 

Mucus Breathing Monsters

I am not a germaphobe, I actually have great genetics and hardly ever get sick (look at me being all egotistical!!). 

However there is something to be said about people who are sick with mucus-like infections and don't do anything about prevention.

I believe what should be done is to hit them with wooden sticks so they can't move or further infect people.

Kind of like those zombie movies.

These are the try-hards who refuse to stay home from school/work for even 1 bloody day in order to get themselves feeling better.

Oh no, they MUST attend public functions.

Being sick with bronchitis or lung infections is no big deal to them.

Most often, this ends up being in the school environment where they sit in class (many times during an exam) and are just leaking slime and mucus out of their eyes, ears, and nose.

To compound this disgustingness, they do not have anything to blow their nose with and simply suck up all the snot into their brains like large vacuum cleaners making that ever-lovely *schnuuuuuck* sound that you are probably familiar with. 

I can just imagine all this mucus balling up inside of their heads into a happy little family that sticks together extremely well.

AND they also cough with their mouths open, letting the whole world know that they are full of puke and grossness while simultaneously tripling the chances of everyone else around them getting sick.

Newsflash: It's called Kleenex.

Do not wipe your snot on your sleeve, or on your hands, or on your binder....please for all things merciful use kleenex.

If you absolutely have to sniff it up your nose, please use little sniffs for a short period of time until you can get to a washroom. And never suck your snot during an exam please, it's super irritating.

If you are so deathly sick that this option is not possible and you just have phlegm dripping off your ruddy face, then for crying out loud stay home!!

Really, you are not accomplishing anything by going out in public except for ensuring that 1/5 people that you meet will get sick from what you have.

If you have any kindness, take a few days, get some sleep and relax. 

If you absolutely must attend school to write a test (or heaven forbid you can't miss 1 measly class) then you'd better arm yourself properly!

I expect to see hand sanitizer (small bottle is acceptable) and tissues stuffed into your backpack into large quantities.

Also, I expect that you have taken something in order to limit the amount of mucus streaming out of your body onto public spaces. I suggest Buckley's or some other disgusting medicine that works wonders.

And by golly, you'd better be washing those slimy snot-crested hands at every opportunity you get.

Last but not least....

Warn people you are sick first!!

It's no good to tell people you are sick after you have slobbered all over their faces, or stuck your hands to their homework....or even high-fived them 1 billion times.

At least if you have warned them, they can make their own decisions about how to respond to you.

But for all you irresponsible mucus breathing monsters......

Putting your mucus into my personal space is no different then if you were to poop in my mouth.

Just don't do it.

Stay home and get better.

The world will not end because you must slow down for a few days.

Gross.

That is all.